U-Turn

Ok, I've hit my threshold. After using food as punishment, reward, and comfort and slacking off on exercise the past few weeks, I've hit my threshold.

I am going to do a week by week comparison so you can see my journey.

Apr 1 Apr 8 Apr 15 Apr 22 Sep 24/08
Weight: 189.5 191 192 197 191.5
Waist: 32 32.25 32.75 33 33
Belly Button: 36.25 36.5 37.25 38.25 37.75
Hips: 44.75 44.5 44.75 45 44.75

On the 81th and 15th I was not concerned because it was just a few downs. But this week I gained 5 lbs in 1 week. That is enough for me to clearly see what I've been subjecting my body to. I will keep comparing myself to Sept 24/08 until I surpass it again.

I went to a spin class last night to jolt my body back into gear, and it helped. That and watching the biggest loser really helped. Tara's strength and determination is amazing!!!!!!! I am going to get a picture of her and put it on my mirror. Remind myself the strength that everyone of us has.

I was going a bit to extreme, I need to find that moderate balance. I think the new workout schedule and burning 2400 calories a week will work.

1.5lb/wk 185 by June 17
2.0lb/wk 181 by June 17
2.5lb/wk 177 by June 17

Since I am taking it 10lbs at a time (sort of, this goal I am taking it 12 lbs). I am focusing on 185. If I stay with 1.5, I'll be 167-157 by Sept 9th. If I have a few 3 lb weeks and the odd 4 lbs weeks, that is fine. But losing weight while doing CASB is all about patience. This is for the rest of my life.......I can be patient.

Fear took over me. And one of the things I was afraid of was putting weight on but not being able to stop and get back to being healthy. I am not my old me. I am my new me. Acknowledge my feelings and fears, treat my body with respect and embrace the moment.

I need to shower and get to work. Everyone be well!!!

Buddy

I need a buddy. As much as I like this blog, I need someone to respond and I need to listen and learn from.

My previous Jillian buddy went MIA.

A new buddy will come, soon. In time.

Return...

It has been a looooong time.

I have been stressed and then I lost my way for the past few weeks.

With CASB starting in May, I've had to rethink my workouts. In order to handle everything, I need to scale down my workouts. So this is my new workout schedule. To burn 2400 calories

Sun 500 - Swim
Mon 300 - Walk
Tues 300 - Strength
Wed 500 - Walk, Incline
Thurs 300 - Strength
Fri 0
Sat 500 - Tae Bo

I am trying to scale down the intensity in order to manage everything.

And I have put on weight. I am getting on track.

Out

I feel I am getting out of my slump.

I woke up feeling better and I still feel better. My diet is improving but I still need work.

My exercise has slumped. With this week of exams, my goal this week will be to exercise on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. And I am just focusing on this week.

And for Jillian's workouts I am going to modify them. Today during studying, I was feeling a bit lethagic and I wanted to get my blood pumping. The treadmill is broken and I did not feel like doing a workout video. So instead I went on a walk. And during my walk, an idea flashed through my thoughts.....how about dancing. I like dancing so I figured I could use that at the end of my workout and it worked. My heart beat was above 150 and got as high as 170. So next time I do Jillian's workouts, I am going to do the workout moves but mixed in with dancing. I will try it tomorrow morning....I'll let you know how it works.

I think this dancing-workout will be the thing to get me through this slump (and this week of exams). Wish me luck!!

Be well!!!

Today's Horoscope

http://www.ediets.com/astrology/
Try to see today's turnaround as a new beginning -- your attitude is all that could possibly hold you back! Once you see that your possibilities are nearly endless, you should be just fine.

Dep.....

I've sunk into a mini-depression. It feels more like a lull than anything. Holidays + studying = mini-dep.

It explains my eating habits the past few days. And it gets perpetuated by the voice in my head!!!!

So best thing to do, ignore that voice.

My goals for this weekend
1) ignore the voice in my head
2) study
3) exercise
4) eat healthy

Solid goals if I do say so myself.

Be well!!

Fear

From this moment, I am honest with myself.

Honestly, I have a fear of being thin and healthy. And I completely acknowledge it. The only way I am going to get through it, is to embrace it. And with that, I just set my alarm for 4:30am and going for an early morning workout. Maybe run, maybe Jillian workout.

And I am eating bread again. I need to eat it in small doses to avoid inhaling in large doses.

No deadlines, no judgement....just me. I accept me, I accept my fear.

Be well!!

My Cooking is Better than Swiss Chalet

So it is official, I am under eating. Over the past week I've had a lot of fast food. It is rooted in the fact that I think I've been under-eating and an emotional part that I had a hard time coping with being in the 180s. I know it s a hard thing to believe, but I think before my identity was tide up in "being obese" in "being the fat girl" and "not being attractive". I've held on to this labels I created for myself, that I've perpetuated.

After having chocolate covered almonds, Dairy Queen (chicken strip basket and a blizzard), Swiss Chalet, etc. I am realizing I need to accept my present moment as is without the labels. Whether I am 189 or 135 I am still be. I can still be present in this moment.

And the bottom line, I am worthy of my best. Are you worthy of your best?

Be well!!!

Panic

In the midst of being in the 180s and meeting up with my future colleagues (which brought up of fears of eating something healthy at supper and some of my old social anxieties).

I engaged in a food binge. My mind created emotional worries which caused me to feel hungrier than I usually am and that manifested into me eating junk food.

I have stilled my mind so as a result my appetite has soothed. I feel good, but still having a timing issue with workouting.

The balance between working out, studying, sleeping, and eating before workouts. I need to accept this dilemma before I can found a solution for it.

I hope all is well. Be well!

reflection

I find myself wondering about myself. Reflecting on my journey. This 189.5 is symbolic of many things. It is a marker on my journey to being. But really you cannot journey to being, but you just have to be. Ok, what I am trying to say is the awareness that I have now is different than the last time I was 189.5 So that leads me into this question.....when was the last time I was 189.5?

2002 - September I was in the 140s
2003 - I was in the 150s
2004 - Fall I was in the 170s at UBC
2005 - Summer, I was in the 190s
2006 -
2007 - In April, before I left, I was about 225-230. That was my highest
2008 - I was in the 190s

So the last time I was in the 180s was early-mid 2005. That means I was 20 years old. That was 4 years ago.

One thing I learned from Jillian is that I being angry with the person that was a few weeks, a few months, a few years ago is futile. Really, that person got me to be here in this moment. What I am learning from Tolle is that this moment is all I have. Holding on to past resentment or anger has no function.

What I can do is surrender to this moment. I've always thought of surrendering as something weak or futile. What purposes does hating my 189.5 body serve? What purposes does believing my life will be magically better at 135 serve? What purposes does hating my 225 body?

I am in this moment. Are you?

Be well!!!!

Happy Face

For the past few days I have not worked out. I have an assignment do this week and instead of getting up early, the past two days I've decided to sleep in instead. I have been stellar about my eating to make sure I stay on the right track.

And today is weigh in day.

Weight: 189.5 (↓ 4 lbs)
Waist: 32 (↓ 0.25 inches)
Belly Button: 36.25 (↓ 0.75 inches)
Hips: 44.75 (↓ 0.25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 1621 2212 (↓ 530 calories)

I am in the 180s!!!!!! I did it!!!!!!!! And now that I am 189.5, I am no longer obese. I am just overweight......just ;) So to get to a healthy weight, I have 30 lbs to go!!!! So that is 15-20 weeks away that is July 15-August 19. That seems tangible and within my grip.

If I was on X-Weighted, this is my half way point and my stats would be
Lost
Bust ↓ 4 inches
Waist ↓ 3.75 inches
Hips ↓ 3.25 inches
Lbs ↓ 24.5 lbs

Not bad, I am at peace with my body right now.

I hope everyone is doing well and striving for their goals!

Stay well!!!!

Chocolate and Health

I am going to post my calories for the past few days, just to keep track

Monday: Burned 2359, Consumed 1113, diff 1246
Tuesday: Burned 2359, consumed 1551, diff 653
Wednesday: burned 1860, consumed 1145, diff 715
Thursday: burned 2374, consumed 1121, diff 1253
Friday: burned 1860, consumed 889, diff 971
Saturday: burned 2410, consumed 1883, diff 527
Sunday: burned 2417, consumed 1396, diff 1022

Some of these numbers are approximate but here it is. I am on a good path for eating 1200 calories a day. I've bumped up my fruits and veggies and that is paying off.

I was watching an episode of X-Weighted and I think we, as a society, are becoming desensitized to what being overweight and obese looks like. The girl was 194, 5'6 which made her obese. I did not think she was obese and she was. And I have been obese for months!!!!!!!!!!!! At 191 I go from being obese to overweight. I am a size 14 and I could find lots of people who would say I look great. I don’t think anyone should look down on people for being overweight, obese, or mobidly obese, but I think we need to get real on what healthy looks like. Before I use to look at people and think “you are so thin” and these were not people who were size 0s or 2s, they were 6s or 8s, but now I look at them and think “you look healthy”. I don’t know what their lifestyle is like, but I think that we need to remember what healthy looks like. It is different for everyone, but healthy is out there for everyone. That’s my rant for the day.

And I hate it when stars go from being obese or overweight to being healthy and people give them crap. For example, when Jennifer Hudson dropped to a healthy size, people side she was selling out. She is a size 10 not a size 2, if hsheid it in a healthy way and she is maintaining a healthy life style, than why the backlash. I understand when actresses go from a size 6 to a size 2 or 0, the image they can be portraying in the media, but we need to remember that our lives are very different than theirs. And so are our bodies.

Either way, whether a size 2, 10, 18, or 26 we should celebrate who people and if they are get healthy, than great.

Just something to think about. Say well!!!

Growing

I've Jillian's radio show inspirational. Her advice on improving yourself and preserving is helping me with evolve how I think and how I view things. Most of what she says is stuff that I've already heard but, I think its the hearing it over and over again that is helping me to make these habits more unconscious.

And with listening to that and listening to a podcast on Tolle's teachings and with what happened this weekend. I am not the same person I was last year or the year before. I sense that I am stronger and have more confidence in myself and I allow myself to be me (before I did not). And then I was watching Grey's and I heard this....

"It does not matter how tough we are. Trauma always leave a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. Its what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up."
Karev

With what I've heard recently, it seems that we live in a culture where we try to bury, ignore, and medicate the pain, the trauma. The culture does not embrace. The culture doesn't try to understand what can be learned from the ugliest moments. I know for me, I cannot live that way. In order to lead a fulfilling live, I need to feel my emotions (whether good or bad), learn from them, and move on.

I kind of feel like I've gone through my trauma and I am in the stage of my life of stepping up. I am hopeful, optimistic, and I have faith in myself, in the universe, and the unknown.

There are a few things I feel that are calling me. I want to explore them and see if they help me live my best life. One of the podcasts said

"how is life calling me to serve on this planet sharing my unique gifts and
talents?"

So, how IS life calling me to serve on this planet sharing my unique gifts and talents? I will ask this question as often as I can. Life is a journey, not a destination.

I am striving to be my authentic self everyday. I am striving.

Stay well!!!

New Eyes

This evening I decided to try on clothes because things felt different. I pulled out two slim size 14s and two size 12s. And I could get into all of them and do the zipper up on 3 of them. And one of them (my pink cords I bought on my 19th birthday) I've tried and tried and tried to fit into them. I can do them up (they show a lot of stuff) but I don't have a muffin top!!!!!

I also noticed today how much easier it is to move my body around. Yeah I put on a pound, but damn I am enjoying the changes in my body.

I am so happy and grateful for my healthy body!!

Stay well!!!

Free Veggies

Jillian keeps talking about free foods: foods that burn more calories digesting it than it has. So I did my research to find out exactly what she was talking about.

from http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=56936

http://ask.yahoo.com/20040107.html
According to this website, the negative (or I guess null) calories do exist
-broccoli, cauliflower, spinach,

I've read a few more sites, so basically the calories it takes for your body to digest said food is equal to or greater than the calories in the food.

So basically, what it means for me. If I am hungry, spinach, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, etc are free game. I can consume without any consequence.


And then it got me thinking about the morning and lemon thing. So I did some research.

http://letusthankhimforourfood.blogspot.com/2008/10/warm-lemon-water-in-morning.html
"Break your fast as gently as possible-with a tablespoon of lemon or lime juice in a cup of warm water. Both of these juices, as well as vinegar, fit into the category of acidic foods that are known to lower glucose levels.
"The lemon juice in warm water needs only 15 minutes to work its magic. Warm water facilitates digestion."

12 weeks

Weight: 193.5 (↓ 0.5 lbs)
Waist: 32.25 (↓ 0.25 inches)
Belly Button: 37 (↓ 0.25 inches)
Hips: 45 (↑ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 2212 (↓ 530 calories)

So 12 weeks in a row I have lost weight. Not too shabby. And I am ecstatic that it is only 0.5 lb I've lost!! On Sunday, I weighed myself and I was at 197 so after what I put my body through this weekend, I am pleased. I definitely had some water retention going on. I will definitely not make 188 by April 1st, but if I'm lucky, I MIGHT by in the 180s by next week, if not by the following week. 2 weeks until 180, oh yeah!!!!

If I average 2 lbs a week I'll be 169 by graduation. That seems so surreal and an absolute reality for me. To walk across the stage at 169 with of the 6 years of uni I've spent the majority of it well above that weight!!!!

I am still quite glad that 3 days of binging only resulted in a 0.5 lb loss. Okay, time to get ready for work.

Salad and Tara

I love salads and Tara is amazing!

First, the salad. I came home from work today a bit tired and made myself a delicious and simple salad. Red leaf lettuce, spinach, radishes, bell peppers, and cucumbers, and grape tomatoes. No dressing, no meat, no seeds, no nuts. I had it with my sweet potato gnocchi, and that is the perfectest and deliciousest supper. I just feel so good after eating a salad. Yummy and delicious.

Now, I rebelled and went out for lunch. I thought I made some good choices until I calculated everything. A total of 780 calories!!! First and last time!!!!

I watched the first hour of the BL and Tara is absolutely amazing. The amount of drive and strength she has is amazing. I know she'll lose the most. Watching her inspires me and reminds me what I am here for and to step it up.

But I have studying to do. So the plan tonight is to study from 7:30pm-8:30pm, workout from 8:30pm-9:30pm and study from 9:30pm-11pm. No workouts tomorrow, so lots of studying then. Two quizzes in one week!!! Ahahaha!!!!!!

I am going into tomorrow's weigh in humbled. I know that that type of stress happens very infrequently, but it still shows me I need to work on my recovery plan. I am back on track, so I know the next few weeks will be very successful.

My goal this week. Calories: 1100-1300. Saturday is an exception and I will increase my cardio to create a nice deficit, but being diligent about my foods is what I'll do to get into the 180s. When was the last time I was in the 180s.....hmmmmmm...good question. I'll think about it and get back to you. At UBC I was about 175 and that is 2004. End of 2004, early 2005 was the last time I was in the 180s. That was 4 years ago. And that milestone is 2-3 weeks away. WOW. That is getting me excited. First studying, then exercising.

Its all about the bigger (or should I say smaller ;) ) pics ladies and gents.

Stay well!!!!!

Back

I am feeling back up to sorts. After my weekend bender of fast food, I started to come out of it today. I made sure to sleep in and help my body recover from the stress (and food).

I had my usual breakfast, brought with me a healthy and warm lunch. I knew that listening to Jillian's podcasts would help turn my mood around (she is very inspirational). That plus eating healthy, and exercising helped turn my mood from a 3/10 to a 6/10. I still have a ways to go, but I am heading there on a healthy path.

I had a successful caloric day today. I burned 2359 and consumed 1113. I think that is the least amount I've consumed in a long time. I have a nice deficit of at least 1200. My hope for this weigh in is to break even, or if I am very very luck to be down 0.5 lbs. If my scale did 0.25lb increments, I'd be hoping for 0.25lbs. I just hope I am still on the losing streak. I've turned around quicker than I've anticipated, but I definitely need to work my butt off the make up for this week.

My plan is to stay healthy when an emotional roller coaster heads my way. Now I just need some detail action steps. 1) For whatever unhealthy food I want to eat, get it at the grocery store. it'll be cheaper and superstore tends to have a healthier version of it. I think that alone will cut my calorie intake in half.

I don't think I am at the stage where I am able to glide through an emotional blow without overeating, so I should strive to minimize the casualties.

Stay well!!!!

Stressful Weekend

I had to take someone to the hospital on Friday. Dealing with this is one of the more stressful things in my life. I made some conscious choices eat some unhealthy things on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I kept up with workouts and now I am back on schedule. Not sure if this week will result in a successful weight loss, but I'll try.

Stay well.

Obesity can shorten your life!!!! Losing weight can add years to your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20090317/obese_study_090317/20090318?hub=Health

I study was published that says "The huge study concludes that for every five points above an ideal body mass index, a person's premature death risk rises by about one-third.....For this study, an ideal body weight was defined as a body mass index of 22.5 to 25.

The study found that an increase of BMI by five points over normal -- from 25 to 30 -- increased the odds of death:

from heart disease or stroke by 40 per cent
from diabetes, liver disease or kidney disease by 60-120 per cent
from lung disease 20 per cent
from cancer 10 per cent"

My BMI is 30.4. If I had not hit my bottom, this might have been it.

I want to look at it this research in the following ways:

1) by maintaining your weight, you are not taking years off your life
2) by losing weight, you are adding years to your life.

How long do you want to life?

This is going to make me reaching 159 that much sweeter.

Stay well!!!

Doer

I know, I'm all Jillianified right now. But I was reading a blog on her website by Dr Steve Gundry, a cardiologist.

"......Yoda wags his finger at young Skywalker and says in Yoda speak: “Try not! Do or do not! There is no try!”

There in lies the key to your success. You don’t try to set the alarm clock; you set it. You don’t try to get to work at 9; you get there. To say you will “try” to do something gives yourself permission to fail. (“It’s okay, I really tried hard not to eat that whole bag of chips, but they were soooo good, I couldn’t help myself!”) But henceforth, you will not try to avoid certain foods; you will avoid them. You won’t try to eat certain foods; you will eat them. And the more you do this, the more you will become that person. Why? Because that’s who you are! There — you just learned the answer to the first question."

We’ll talk again soon. From now on, you are a doer, not a tryer!"

I know I've certainly been a tryer for a very long time. So I am going to make a list of things that I do. I need to think about them and kind of like the giving up restaurants and my future giving up TV for a month, I will DO this things for a month. Make a commitment to myself to improve my life. You all know how much I love challenges, so I'm confident I'll succeed. But I will update you later.

Our lives are within our control!!!

Stay well!!

Calories

I found on Jillian's website that says how much calories I should be consuming a day.

The amount of calories I should be consuming a day in order to burn 2 lbs a week is 1360. For the past few days I've consumed

Monday: 1578
Tuesday: 1434
Wednesday: 1618

So on average, I've consumed 1543, so I need to drop my calories by 183 calories. Not to bad.

I've planned out my meals, and when things go as planned, I'll consume 1300 calories. I am going to try it. Lets' see how it goes!!

It is 9pm and I am off to sleep. Want to go hard tomorrow.

Stay well!!

Milestone

Wednesday Mar 18

Weight: 194.0 (↓ 3 lbs)
Waist: 32.5 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 37.25 (↓ .5 inches)
Hips: 44.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 2742 3921 (↓ 1179 calories)

After my stressing about what I ate last week, I turned in a big weight loss this week. I lost 3lbs this week making it a total of 20lbs!!!! It feels good. 20lbs, new belt, I am feeling like its only a matter of time until I am a healthy and sexy 135. I am still currently "obese" but I am 4 lbs away from going from obese to overweight (190), 35 lbs away from a healthy weight (159) and 59 lbs away from my ideal waist (135).

Although the question remains how I only burned 2742 calories but lost 3lbs. I think that I was overtraining. I am not good at taking breaks so today, I am taking it easy. Not even going on a slow walk (maybe). But only on Wednesday, I cannot afford to take 2 days off.

I am going to try and find an appropriate amount of balance.

Yeah and stay well!!

Happy dance, happy dance, happy dance!!!

Calorie Counting

Before counting calories was stressful but now I feel more empowered.

There was something Jillian said on her talkshow a few weeks ago: think of your calorie budget like a spending budget. With this new mindset, I am getting excited to see how much calories I am eating. I am also discovering that some of my evening hunger is dehydration and not hunger. I think this will help me manage my weight in the long run.

According to BMR and my heart rate monitor, by the end of the day, I'll have burned 2313 calories (I still might hop on the treadmill to burn another 72 calories to get to my 500 calorie a day burn. And I have consumed 1421 calories. I feel like now, when I do see a nutritionist, I'll have hard data to present to her.

I think this is the first Tuesday in a few weeks where I am not stressing over tomorrow's weigh in. And I've started meditating. I think I am going to fit it in after work. It makes since to me. Trying to live in the moment. So much of my anxiety and stressing is in relation to things that are in the future and might not ever happen. I am focusing on the moment.

I am going to finish watch the biggest loser and then study for an hour, hope on the treadmill and then study some more.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. And, btw. I bought a new belt today!!!!!!!!! The current one is barely doing its job. I've seeing the new improvements in my body.

Stay well!!!!

Calorie Count

I've finally decided to count my calories. It should not be that hard, since I pretty much eat the same thing every day. I've been listening to Jillian Michael's sunday radio show and I love it!!! She is such a source of information and inspiration. She keeps talking about BMR and calorie deficit, so I figured I'd try it out.

Based of the BMR(Basal Metabalic Rate)I burn 1714 just doing what I do. I burned an additional 502 through exercise and I ate about 1578 worth of calories. I created a deficit of 809 calories. It takes 3500 calories to loose 1 lb.

I am going to keep up this tracking to see if it makes a difference in my loss.

Also, I was on http://www.thefactsaboutfitness.com/news/two-pounds.htm and this article had some interesting things to say about how much weight to lose. He says about 1-2 lbs, up to a max of 1% of your body weight. If you wegigh 200lbs, than you can safely loose 2lbs per week. If you weight 300lbs, you can safely loose 3 lbs per week. Since it is all about calorie deficit, my goal is to have a calorie deficit of 750 a day. That means 5250 a week which will translate to 1.5 lbs per week.

And this is not taking into account the elevated calorie burn that occurs after a strength training session or circuit training.

Stay well everyone!!

The Battle

The past few weeks the healthy lifestyle and weight loss has turned into a battle. It was easy, but then I was reading blogs and information and my own insecurities of getting past the 190s that in morped into a battle. It use to be easy ;)

I was listening to Jillian Michael's Dec 7th radio show and she was talking about how some people turn this into an unnecessary battle.

The past few weeks, everything has become a battle. A battle between watching TV and studying. A battle between spending and saving. A battle between eating unhealthy foods and eating healthy foods.

For a long time, I have created unnecessary battles in my life (I think to create drama). This was my life.

But. This does not have to be the path my life continues on.

I am using positive present-tense thinking now. My life is easy. Living a healthy life is easy. Saving money is easy. Opening up to people is easy. School is easy. Making friends is easy.

I need to simplify and make things in my life as easy as possible. If mentally I think they are easy, they will manifest as easy.

I am starting meditation today. Because it is easy to put into my life ;)

At this point after this weekend, I am not sure if I'll be 188 on April 1st. I do know that being 135lbs is easy for me. Doing everything I want and need in my life is easy. CASB is easy.

I hope today is as easy for you as it is for me.

Stay well and go with the flow. Life a happy and easy life!

Rest

Thursday
Yesterday my body forced me on a rest. Part because I had chocolate (sugar or salt + plus less than 8 hours of sleep makes me extraordinarily tired).

I could not get up to go workout and because I had class last night, I had to take a day off working out. And today I feel the better for it.

Friday
I spent all day worrying about if I was going to slip up. What happened I slipped up. Not too badly, but I still could have done better.

Saturday.
After the slip up and 4 hours of sleep, I did go for my Saturday morning swim. But I also had chocolate cake and cheese tortellini in a cream sauce. Normally I'll eat all of it in one serving, this time I did stop before I was fully (at least I did not over eat). I did about 55 mins of Tae Bo later.

Sunday.
Dehydrated.
I've decided to revamp my lunches (salads). My lunches have not been filling me up, so I'm eating salad (with protein and fat of course). I think part of my problem is that I have not been full at lunch which does not help me in the long run.

This mental mind plateau is frustrating. I think that by refocusing on my nutrition and my workouts I'll blast through this. Not sure I'll be 188 by April 1st, but I'll sure be fitter than I am now, healthier than I am now, and still on my way of being 135.

I am going to destroy is mental mind block!!

Stay well!!!

Long-Term

I've read this in research, other places but recently I saw this at

http://www.jillianmichaels.com/members/wellnessteam/drjohnlapuma/what-i-tell-my-own-patients.aspx

Of the thousands of people who have lost an average of 66 pounds and kept it off over five years:

78% eat breakfast every day
62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week (even my ChefMD show!)
90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day.

This seems like common sense. Our body needs food, our body needs exercise, and TV makes you inactive (unless you are on the treadmill).

It is a lifestyle not a crash diet.

Keep this in mind everyone, life long choices ;)

Bigger Picture

Wednesday Mar 11
Weight: 197.0 (↓ 1.5 lbs)
Waist: 32.75 (↓ .5 inches)
Belly Button: 37.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 45.0 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3921 (↑ 736 calories)

I woke up this morning and I remembered it is all about the bigger picture. Yes I will weigh 88 lbs or less by April 1 (that is 3lbs/week) but I will get there.

However, the bigger picture is I am working out every day, I am getting healthy, and I am transforming my life. I am materializing the person I was always meant to be. So I only lost 1.5 lbs this week, I have continuously lost weight every week for 10 weeks. I've lost 17 lbs!!! I have gained strength, flexibility, and confidence. I'm pretty freaking awesome!!!!

Will I have burn at least 4000 calories a week and put healthy and delicious things in my mouth, yes! Will a meal or two seem challenging, yes. Will I get it down yes!!!

Next week is the 20 lb make. I lose 3 lbs, I will lose a total of 20lb. Big milestone coming up and I will embrace it with my whole heart.

Stay well!!!

"Believe in yourself, trust the process, change forever." Bob

I had a longer post to write, but I need to head to bed.

I am anxious about tomorrow's weigh in. I want to see at least 2lbs, but I need to think of the bigger picture; being healthy and putting myself first.

And this is why I think Bob's quote as being most appropriate.

With that, I am off to bed.

Stay well!!!!

I feel nauseous

Morning
I just finished doing a fairly intense 20 min walk and then Jillian's circuit. I figured out yesterday how to do the circuit properly and it made a huge difference. I feel sooo nauseous right now.

It is hard to say whether it is from the intensity of the workouts or the chinese food I ate last night. Yes, I ate chinese food (more on that later), but I feel naseouas. I am hoping this feeling will translate into results later.

I just want to curl up in a ball and go back to sleep.

But I have to go to work.

Evening
I felt soooo slow this morning after my workout. It was challenging. I'm a little worried that my chinese food and chocolate covered almonds will prevent from seeing a 2 lb weight loss this week.

I know exactly what is happening. I am sabotaging myself. Last year, this is where the results tapered off. I do know that if I keep eating healthy and exercising, I will reach my goals, but now it is becoming really really real.

Right now, I want this more than I don't want this. So I am going on the treadmill and will burn those extra calories and get to that 188 by April 1.

I deserve this. I DESERVE THIS and I will not allow myself to stand in my way. I am in control of my future and I am an active and healthy person at a healthy weight.

We all deserve this.

TV Challenge:
I am restarting the TV challenge tomorrow. I did really good this evening, did an extra workout, studied, cleaned, but I watched half of a show yesterday and I just need one more hit of my drug before I start.

Meditation Challenge:
I think not watching TV is going to be a challenge enough, that I am postponing meditation until April. I want it to be my primary focus (not an afterthought, which it is right now). I think getting my TV watching under control will make it easier to fit in meditation as in the long-term into my lifestyle.

I'll keep you posted on my challenges.

Stay well!!!

Cold Turkey

I am giving up TV starting tomorrow.

I know right. I was going through my inbox and I was reading a weekly email I got from Oprah and something intrigued me. It was about a family who gave up things.

And a few days ago, my friend posted BBC's top 100 books and I've only read 12. My friend commented that she expected me to have read more, and so did I. I use TV, and clearly I used food, to escape from things. I am dealing with my spending, my eating, so now it is time to deal with my TV.

Starting tomorrow, no more TV. I can physically go to the video store and rent a movie, but no more TV. That being said, I am still going to tape the shows that I am currently following (I cannot go completely cold turkey) but I have a feeling that I am not going to watch most of them by the time April rolls around.

I want to do this to ween myself off my TV dependency and learn how to better manage my time.

This will be a real challenge, since I am use to eating in front of the TV (I know, such a bad habit) but after surviving the restaurant challenge, I want to try something new. Apparently it takes 21 days to make or break a habit (http://ezinearticles.com/?Develop-a-New-Habit&id=326777) says

"When starting or breaking any habit we tend to tell our conscious mind we are going to change and it's for life. Your conscious mind will just say is that right? I'm in charge here, I'll decide' so there will be a battle between your two sides of your conscious mind.

If you tell your mind you want to try something for 21 days it won't be so unwilling to co-operate. This might sound a little strange when I say talking to your conscious' as it is your conscious talking to your conscious. We all know we have conversations with ourselves, should I go to the pub should I not, should I go to the gym should I not. There are a hundred conversations we have with ourselves everyday."

By starting tomorrow, I am giving myself 23 days.

I want to spend more time with friends, stay on top of my studies, date, have a relationship, read more and by removing this from my life, I am opening up more space in my life for the things I value that give me joy.

I am thinking of making this a no TV and meditate every day challenge. I am thinking these are two great things to piggy back together, because I need to start meditating now and I don't want to wait until April to start.

Ideas of other monthly challenges I can do
-talk to strangers (
-give someone a compliment every day
-yoga
-floss
-wear make up(there is a reason I'll explain)

I am going to look into other ones. Onese that will help me improve as a person and have a more fulfilling life.

So, no telly until the end of the month. Let's rock this out!!!

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. ~Jim Ryun

Stay well!!!

Amped Up

So yesterday increase the time I spend in a higher heart rate zone. Usually, my heart rate is somewhere between 155-170 for most of my workouts. So yesterday, I decided to push myself. I did two 35 min walks with a 25 min break in between, and after my work out and a 6% incline transition for the first walk, I spent the rest of my walk at 9-11% incline and on the second walk at 8-10% incline and my heart rate above 170. There were a few times were I wanted to back down and take it easy, but I pushed myself (and I am so glad that I did).

And because of that, I was mentally able to push myself in the pool today. I did 1.15km (I was aiming for 1.2km but I ran (or swam, lol) out of time. There were a few times where my heart was pumping and I was getting out of breath and I kept going. I am soooo happy I did.

Currently my calorie count for this week is 2648 calories. I am going to throw in another walk this evening, so I can get my calorie count to 2800 by the end of day. That will leave 700 calories a day for Monday and Tuesday. I am trying to push past the 3500 calories this week (especially since I have been in the 2100s the past few weeks.

And since I had some chocolate almonds (I have started to form a bad grocery store habit) I need to make up for some extra calories I consumed. Yesterday and this morning I was at 197.5, so I am confident I can drop another 1.5lbs. I need to drop another 1.5 lbs to meet this weeks goal and get to 188 by April 1st.

Back to studying.

Stay well!!!

Burn baby Burn

This is my second day of doing Jillian's circuit and I like it!!!! I went on the treadmill for 20 mins and did 4 of the 5 circuits (I think I need 40 mins to do a complete circuit). I am starting to feel it at muscles that I did not know existed.

And today I pushed myself more on the treadmill and on during the circuit - I just envision Jillian screaming at me like she does on the Biggest Loser to go farther than you ever thought possible. That only is worth the $4 a week!!!

I did have slip up a little bit this week - ice cream :(

Wednesday night and Thursday night. I am normally good at keeping the sweet tooth in check. However, I've noticed that since I've started doing Jillian's circuits I am getting hungry based on my normal diet, so I have been hungry during evening.

I don't really see it as a setback, but more as a warning. Making sure I am eating enough. I am doing two 30 minute walks today and trying for my 750 calorie burn today. So I am going to walk 30 mins, do some ab work, and then walk another 30 mins. According to http://www.realage.com/ct/tips/3356 you burn more fat if you break up a long workout. So I'm going to give it a shot.

Keep up your lifestyle and stay well!!!

P.O.W.E.R

I was watching the biggest loser a few nights ago Sugar Ray Leonard, a boxer, said something that I like. P.O.W.E.R. - Prepare Overcome Win Every Round.

It is a nice little reminder on how to approach all aspects of life and not just living a healthy lifestyle.

The past few days I have been blown away by my new body. I know I have been at this weight and similar measurements before, but I feeler stronger and sexier than I have in the 190s. Sometimes I find myself staring at myself and wondering "where did you come from" and getting excited to see what I will look like in 1 month, 2 months and 3 months time.

Exercising in the afternoon is becoming a problem. It is interfering with my studies, so I have become resolved to get it down during the morning more diligently.

I'll keep you posted. Stay well!!!

Sizes

I didn't tell you about yesterday.

So yesterday, I had time after work and before my hair appointment so I figured I'd do a size test. So I went into the GAP and pulled about 4 different 12s just to see where i was at. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I could put on and do up 2 of them.

I am no size 12, I am comfortable a size 14, however, I am hoping that in 4 weeks, on
April 1, I'll be 188 lbs and a size 12. That being said, it seems that 188 seems a little big to be a size 12. Hmmmmmmmm. We'll see.

On another note, I am getting really nervous about finishing my classes and starting my CA designation. It is seriously real. I got my registration email today. Ah!!!!!!!!!! It is really really real right now. I know I will succeed with flying colours, but I am still nervous.

This weekend will be all about studying. I am ready to become one with studying. After this, I will write a practice exam, (I have a midterm tomorrow). Wish me luck!!!!

Also, I ordered a Jillian Michales DVD 30 Day Shred and it is pretty good. I was just on her website and I decided to try her program. I knew I needed more strength training, and I like her circuit training. It involves 4 days of strength circuit training, one day of cardio and two rest days. I am going to be consistent on strength training days and do my cardio so that I am burning at least 350 calories a week. And on some days I'll do the 20 min workout video and then the designated circuit.

I'll update you on how it works.

Stay well!



Stay well!

Slow Down

Wednesday Mar 4
Weight: 198.5 (↓ 1.5 lbs)
Waist: 33.25 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 38 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 45.25 (↓ .5 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3185 (↑ 11 calories)

So I lost inches and weight this week, I am down 1.5 lbs, which is great!!! However, I was looking for something in the neighbourhood of 2-3 lbs. I need to get to at least 3500 calories a week through monitored exercise. So this week I will. afterwards, I am going to try and at 50 calories a day (increasing the following week to 3850 a week) and than in another 6 weeks, increasing it to 4200 calories a week (600 cals/day). I have 4 weeks to drop 10.5 pounds, I can do it, I just need to be more diligent about my workouts. I need to lose 2.6 lbs per week. I am doing this!!!!!!

I will do a daily calorie burn to keep me on track. Let's shed this fat!! Stay well!!

I Scream You Scream We all Scream for......

So I triumphed over the ice cream last night! I did not have any!!

I thought I'd share my good news ;)

Yummm and Ummmm

I made something fantastic!!!! I love eating Mexican food (or whatever version of Mexican food I get living this close to the 49th parallel. I wanted to make a baked mexicanny dish and search recipes and I could not find one that I really wanted. So, after reading a few, I put took bits and pieces I liked and made my own dish.
I had it yesterday and today for supper, and it is exactly what I wanted!!! Is it the best tasting dish in the world, but there is something to be said for eating what you want and what you need.

The dish consists of spices bird’s eye chilis, veggies (spinach, mushrooms, zucchini, bell peppers, a little bit of carrots,) beans (black beans, white kidney beans, and some other canned bean, I cannot remember) some tortilla shells, and a little bit of sour cream and avocado at the top. It is so jam packed with veggies with very little cheese (a lot of the recipes called for cheese). Un fortunately, I did not take accurate measurements and take note of what I used in a scientific manner to create a recipe (next time I promise) but I am sure I can duplicate it. I am so pleased with myself.

So today, my mother bought ice cream today. She’s sick, and for some reason, she wanted ice cream. So today when I was studying, I saw her eating it and all I could think was “ummmmmmm, I want some.” Because I woke up late, I had to workout in the evening, and I just finished. I did some intervals on the treadmill and some upper body and core strength training, so I do need a lil post workout snack. So I am eating some vanilla yoghurt and some Kashi Go Lean cereal. If I want some ice cream I might have some, but only after I finish my healthy post-workout snack.

I have a good feeling about Wednesday. I’m a shrinking.

Cream of Turkey Soup

I big part of being healthy is eating healthy, so I am going to post a recipe I got of eatingwell.com that I made several times that I enjoy!!!!

http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/turkey_wild_rice_soup.html

NUTRITION PROFILE:
Low Sodium | High Potassium

VIEW COMPLETE NUTRITION GUIDELINES »
This is a healthier twist on a classic creamy turkey and wild rice soup that hails from Minnesota. Serve with a crisp romaine salad and whole-grain bread.

Makes 4 servings, about 1 3/4 cups each

ACTIVE TIME: 35 minutes
TOTAL TIME: 35 minutes
EASE OF PREPARATION: Easy

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 cups sliced mushrooms (about 4 ounces)
3/4 cup chopped celery
3/4 cup chopped carrots
1/4 cup chopped shallots
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
1 cup quick-cooking or instant wild rice (see Ingredient Note)
3 cups shredded cooked turkey or chicken (12 ounces; see Tip)
1/2 cup reduced-fat sour cream
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
1/3 cup quinoa (try a quarter cup next time)

1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add mushrooms, celery, carrots and shallots and cook, stirring, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add flour, salt and pepper and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes more.

2. Add broth and bring to a boil, scraping up any browned bits. Add rice and reduce heat to a simmer. Cover and cook until the rice is tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in turkey (or chicken), sour cream and parsley and cook until heated through, about 2 minutes more.

NUTRITION INFORMATION: Per serving: 354 calories; 9 g fat (3 g sat, 4 g mono); 87 mg cholesterol; 27 g carbohydrate; 36 g protein; 3 g fiber; 378 mg sodium; 577 mg potassium.
Nutrition bonus: Vitamin A (90% daily value), Zinc (20% dv), Iron (15% dv).
2 Carbohydrate Servings
Exchanges: 1 1/2 starch, 1 vegetable, 3 lean meat, 1 fat

My Notes:
-I usually use more veggies than the recipe calls for and I just use a regular cooked chicken breast but not as much as the recipe calls for. I usually use about half as much or less (I am not a big meat eater).
-Also, I've used the rice once and quinoa once. I used 2/3 cup of quinoa last week, which was too much and absorbed a lot of the liquid and it went from soup to sludge
-I eat about 1 cup or 1 1/4 cup for a serving, not the recommended serving.

If you try it, let me know what you think!!

I did it again

I am noticing that my period sometimes results in inappropriate dietary decisions. I decided Thursday evening that it was a good idea to have KFC and two donuts from Tim Hortons. Boy was I thirsty on Friday.

I realize today it was not the result of my period, although it was a contributing factor. It was primarily because I was seeing an old friend on Saturday. We were good friends but since I went overseas for a year, she got engaged and things changed.

I don't like the way I am with her. It comes down to the fact that I don't trust her. And when I do see her, she is condescending and judgmental. Sometimes she is like that with me, but for the most part, she is like that in general. A lot of the time when we do talk, I feel like she is talking at me, it is not a conversation. We tried to talk about what happened, but she doesn't really want to talk about it.

For me, it came down to when I came back, whenever we did things, we it became a trio event. She told me later that her and her fiance were an inseparable unit, so I felt like she did not want to be friends with me. I felt hurt. Before, she was a confidant, but now she is not. Before we'd talk about everything and now the conversations are superficial and generic.

She asked me one question that bothered me. She asked me if I ever wanted to get married, out of the blue. She said I never talked about it with her and I remember plenty of times were we discussed it. It seemed like such a loaded question. I really cannot phanthom the motivation behind that question. The only logically explanation I can see is she thinks that I don't believe in marriage ergo, I don't believe in hers. I think it was her tone of "disgust" or "contempt" that asked the question that bothered me more than anything. It seemed like the only right answer is "yes" even though marriage is a personal choice. She use to be a very direct person, but now she is sooooooooooooooooo passive aggressive.

I think it comes down to the fact where I don't trust her. I feel like I have to prove myself to her when I have done nothing but be honest with her. And it still seems like she has not tried. I've been the one to make the effort the past few times, and she's either ignored me or been slow to respond. I feel like I've done my part, and that she needs to put in the effort. If she wants this friendship, she will actually try.

I have to say, before I was afraid of not being friends with purely because we were friends for so long. Before I was afraid of ending the friendship, but now I feel okay on just letting this friendship go. At this point, I feel like I did the mature and responsible thing.

In the end I am pleased with how things went, and it just reminds me to be grateful for the real friends in my life.

I learned my lesson

So today is weigh in week. And these are my results.

Wednesday Feb 25
Weight: 200 (↓ 1 lbs)
Waist: 33.55 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 38.25 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 45.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3174 3641 (↓ calories)↑ 118 inches)

Good news, I am still losing weight (yeah!!!!). Not as successful as the past two weeks (I think we all know why) so I am going to be more aware of my choices.

A few changes I will be making. First, I started strength training with free weights and I am glad I made that change. I can feel my upper body work out today. Second, I am going to throw in 2 high cardio, interval workouts on my strength training days. Third, I am going to eat more veggies. I think I am lacking in veggies, so for lunches now I will eat salads and soup and for supper, I will roast some veggies to eat with my supper meals.

I think this will help me sustain a 3lb/wk weight loss. What I envision now is walking across the stage at graduation at 165 lbs and being 135 in September. I know I am there. I know that have that body, know i just have to put the effort in.

Stay well!!!

Belt

I nicely re-cooperated after the slip on Sunday. Today I had a complete (500 calorie burning) workout. The thought of doing strength training with the bands was too much, so I switched back to the yoga ball and weights. My strength has improved substantially since I started Dec 31. Either the swimming or the band workouts have really improved my upper body to the point that I can now do push ups on the ball easily and before there were quite difficult.

And now for the good news. I am on the last notch of my belt!!! In a few weeks I'll need a new belt (yes!!!!). With that, I am confident that tomorrow will show a weight and inch loss, how much after Sunday's incident, not sure, but I'll still be on the loosing side.

I recently amended my measurement goals to be 29/39 waist hip, but I was on the GAP sizing chart and that puts me at a 10. So I am re-ammending it to be 26-28/36-38. That will ut me at a 4-8.

I think I will go test shopping soon (when I have time) to see what size I am now. Luckiy for me, there is a mall across from where I work and I have 14s and 12s in my closet. I want to wait until the low 190s or high 180s to do it. I have a feeling that will be really really really soon.

Stay well!!!!

A fell into some whipped cream

First I'll start with the good news. I was down to 199.5 on sunday which I was excited about. I went out for breakfast with my friend, and tried to have a healthy meal. I am not an egg eater, so I had this dish with potatoes, peppers, mushrooms. toast and some egg on the side. I think it was a good choice.

Lunch was fine, but for some reason on the drive home I was just craving chocolate. I ended up going to the grocery store and getting chinese food and a donut filled with whipped cream. We are not going to attempt to guess on the amount of calories and fat that I consumed in one meal. Safe to say, I did not bother weighing myself today. I went into the usually sugar coma (after my stomach felt uber stuffed) and went to bed shortly there after.

I did get on the treadmill today and I had a good breakfast, snack, and lunch. I can feel the affects of my food choices in my feet. Last week, my shoes felt too big and today they feel too small. I don't know if it is retained water or what, but whenever I have too much sugar or salt, I feel it in my extremities.

I am still hopefully that Wednesday will be a success. I am not weighing myself until then.

Stay Well!!

Progress

So yesterday is weigh in day. Safe to say I was nervous and was not sure to expect. But I am happy with the results.

Wednesday Feb 18
Weight: 201 (↓ 3 lbs)
Waist: 33.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 38.5 (↓ .50 inches)
Hips: 46 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3641 (↑ 118 calories)

Even with the slip ups, I still made progress. The possibility of being 135 by September is a definite possibility. I am a full on size 14, and it makes me wonder at what weight I will be a size 12. It has been a long time since I was a size 12, I smile will be on my face when I make it. I am guessing that will be at about the high-mid 180s, so by April 1st (April Fools day, lol).

Off to work. Stay well!

Hunger

I started my new job today which requires a new routine. I have to get up at 5am in order to workout for 1 hour and get to work at 8am. So today I did high inclines on the treadmill and then strength training. I am not sure if it was the early morning on the cardio then strength workout, but I was hungry today. I ate what I usually ate, but it did not seem like enough. So for supper I had a little bit more than I should have plus 2 cookies. I definitely over ate a little bit, but it is funny that before me overeating was a bigger experience (and I do mean bigger).

I was more anxious than usual today, for various reasons and I know that did not help. One of the things I am anxious about is getting to 135 my September. That means I need to loose, on average, 2.3 lbs per week. I know it is doable and that I have already done it (in my head) but this means stepping it up. And this means that for my birthday and my graduation, I will be a healthy mid-160s. The idea of that makes me smile. When I graduated high school, I weight about 140 (after losing about 35 lbs) so walking across the exact same stage 7 years and 12 days later, being 160s (which I have not been since 2003) will be worth the sweat.

But I also need to ensure I am successful in my studies, and my modules. I am trying to focus on the modules once May starts and just focus on my classes right now.....trying.

Anyway, tomorrow is weigh in day and after V-day, popcorn (oh yeah, I had some popcorn on Monday night, being 202 will be good. And no matter what, next Wednesday I will be under 200. That is a promise!!

Stay well!!

Tsk...Tsk

I survived Valentine's Day weekend (barely). So on Valentine's I had a good workout (burned 738 calories), I had a healthy breakfast and lunch. I hade one of my desserts for lunch and that was fine. For supper, things got crazy. We ordered pasta from a local restaurant for supper. I had cheese tortellini in a cream sauce and my tiramisu cake for dessert. Fat overload. Because I was eating so healthy the past few weeks, my body completely rejected the food.

I had a upset stomach and the runs for the evening. It did taste good, but what it did to my body was not worth it. Safe to say, I did not suffer calorically from this feast, because I did not keep much of it down.

I redeemed myself on Sunday. I went for my usually morning swim and tried to push myself harder to make up for Saturday. And I went to a veggie restaurant with my aunt for lunch and had a delicious (and healthy) meal. I love this restaurant!! I can eat out, have delicious food, and it is healthy!!!! In the evening I went on a walk in the evening along the beach, so overall I had a great, healthy day.

Today I ordered a new workout program on the telly. Criss Cross Cardio, it is has some kickboxing movies. In 44mins I burned 403 calories. I am sure by the second and third time, I'll get a better feel for it and burn more calories. I am going to to a quick, high incline 25m walk this afternoon (trying to burn at least another 200 calories). Trying to hit 3500 calories this week, I am close. If I stick with my schedule, I'll definitely make it. I am unofficially at 202.5 (I am trying to lose another 1lb by Wednesday). I am going to a movie tonight, and I have to say I am pretty good at movies (I am usually too cheap to buy anything) but might get some carrots and hummous for a snack).

Stay well!!!

Sleepy

Working + 2 classes + procrastination = less exercise

I am currently taking two classes as I work. Have I kept up to date with those classes....NO. With two assignments due this week (one due yesterday and one due today) I have pulled a few late nights which then greatly affects my workouts. I did not do anything yesterday and today I just walked for 25 mins. On a normal day, not working out in the morning or having a small workout would be fine. However, last night and tonight I work and then I have classes until 9pm.

I think the hinderance cramming has on my workouts is enough to keep me on track and organize. Its funny that it takes my fitness and health to force me to stay on top of my academic goals.

Valentine's Day Connundrum...

What to do?!?!?!?!? I have been eating healthy and working out and I've lost 10lbs. And tomorrow is V-Day (aka my excuse to gorge myself with chocolate). Normally I overload on chocolate, I take this day as a free pass, but this year will be different. With my current weight somewhere between 202-204, getting under 200lb is within my reach. And Sunday, I am going to lunch with my aunt (some place delicious no doubt). Is it okay to have a "pass" for one dessert (albeit, maybe a huge dessert) and one delicious meal on Sunday? I think the only way I can allow myself this deviation (especially with my lack of exercise yesterday and minimal workout today) is if I burn at least 750 calories on Saturday AND Sunday (preferable 1000). What would you do?
I think the main question is, how bad to I want to be under 200. And, can I get there by next Wednesday (if so, than be a saint and deviate only one day) or if I cannot get there until the following Wednesday, then I can deviate once on both days.

Hmmmm....I need to mull it over. I'll do an unofficial weigh in tomorrow, make sure I burn at least 750 on Saturday and then make a decision.

Stay well!

Yeah!

So today is weigh in day

Wednesday Feb 11
Weight: 204 (↓ 4 lbs)
Waist: 34 (↓ .75 inches)
Belly Button: 39 (↓ .50 inches)
Hips: 46.25 (↓ .50 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3523 (↓ 424 inches)

I am quite happy with my success this week. I know the under eating was not good, but more workouts are good.

I do love how good I feel. Ahh!!!! Things are good and I am happy and grateful that they will continue to be great!!!!

Oopps

I have been under eating. It is not something I am proud of, it is also not something I am doing intentionally. This is how it started, it is a combo of a few things.

1) I am not eating at restaurants, coffee shops, etc. So I am use to being in a hurray and sometimes picking up something to eat on the fly instead of planning to make sure I have enough time to eat.
2) I had 3 shifts at work from 11am-3pm, which overlapped lunch, so I've just been snacking for lunch.

So these two things combined, I've undereaten on my calories. Do you know how I can tell without keeping track of what I am eating? There are a few days where I have not felt 150%, and it is because I was no consistently getting the nutrition I need.

My goal is to ensure I am getting enough food to go through my day at full force, not just at half force.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I still have not exercised today. I had an interview yesterday, so I straightened my hair and this morning I had one at 9am so I opted not to exercise until afterwards (to keep the hair straight) and I work until 8pm tonight. I have to study when I get home, but at the very least, I have to walk for 30mins. Tomorrow, I have 3 more interviews and I am going for a strong cardio, walk and a little bit of yoga. Going to wake up at 5:30am to get 'er done. I have to figure out when I am swimming. I should tomorrow, in the afternoon I'll aim.

Why did I procrastinate in doing my assignments? C'est la vie. I am just going to focus and get them done.

Stay well!

Breakthrough!

I had a physical breakthrough.

First, twice this week I sustained a higher level of incline on the treadmill and at a lower heart rate!!! This means that my body is adapting and my cardiovascular healthy is improving! This is the first time I've noticed this since I started in December. I am so excited!!!!!

Second, I feel stronger. That yoga class on Tuesday night really challenged me in a new way and since then I have felt consistently stronger. I also realized how effective those Real Age tubing workouts have been. I want to keep doing them one day a week, and with the yoga twice a week and the strength training in those cardio workouts I am doing now, that should help me improve my strength a lot!!!.

Third, I did an unofficial weigh in today and I am down to 205!!! How awesome is that!!!!! I am hoping for another 1-2 lb loss by Wednesday so I will have lost 10 lbs since Dec 31 (remember, starting weight 214) mark.


Short term goal: in the 190s by Feb 25th. That is 6 lbs in 18 days (2.5 weeks)...totally doable!!!!!


All these things have got me dancing in my seat, and today I tried on these pants that were crazy tight a month and a half ago, and today I am wearing them proud and comfortably!!!!

I feel so fantastic right now. I keep envisioning what it will be like to be 175 lbs, how strong and healthy I'll feel. And what it will be like to be 135 lbs, how confident and sexy I'll feel. I already feel more confident and sexy already!!!! Its amazing what a little muscle can do for a girl ;)

And I this only eating food I cook (not restauarants, coffee shops, etc) is helping me meet my nutritional needs.

And I have two interviews next week...life is pretty awesome. Next, is that boyfriend. I know he is there in the future (hopefully the near future ;) ).

Stay well and keep up the great work!!!!!!

Ommmm

I have some catching up to do.

A week ago, thanks so Suze Orman, I made a pledge to forgo restaurants for the month of February. So Saturday night was my last supper (and unfortunately I ended with a midnight serving of yucky fast food). I am on day 4, and so far it has been good. Every time I leave the house I think of how long I am going to be out and make sure I pack enough food. I am confident that I will be able to successful meet this challenge.


Wednesday Feb 4
Weight: 208 (↓ 1 lbs)
Waist: 34.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 39.5 (same)
Hips: 46.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3947 (↑ 1766)

I am still losing. I know why I did not have a good weight loss breakthrough this weak - extra food. I am still pleased with the continued loss.

On a positive note, I started doing yoga again!!! I went to my first class in months on Tuesday night and it felt good. My goal is to go to one class a week and do an additional 3 at home sessions. I am determined to stick with yoga now indefinitely.

I have been eating very well this week, especially since I have forsaken eating out.

Stay well everyone and happy exercising!

Belated mesaurements

I did not update my measurements, so here it is.


Wednesday Jan 28
Weight: 209 (↓ 0.5 lbs)
Waist: 35 (same)
Belly Button: 39.5 (same)
Hips: 47 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 2181 (↓ 2148)

My fast food encounters did not help my weight loss, but on the plus side, I did loose half a pound and a quarter inch off my hips. Really, I did not gain. My goal is to get back to 3500 calories, with a minimum of 500 calories a day. I think within a week or two, I will be able to consistently burn 500 calories a day.

Fast Food Anyone?

As you know, I was getting a little worried about what might happen in Calgary, in relation to my food intake and exercise. Friday I exercised before my flight and ate healthy. Saturday I went to the gym and had a healthy breakfast and lunch. At the ceremony, I did end up eating about 2 serving of desserts, 2 glasses of wine, and a couple vodka tonics. I did make it through the night without any fast food.

But Sunday, I woke up with my usual "I am tired and hungry" feeling that happens after a few drinks. So I skipped my healthy breakfast, and instead went to KFC (not the best idea).

Part of my was not feeling to bad about it, but if that was my only slip up for the weekend, that would have been fine. But when I got home Sunday night, I went to Dariy Queen. Ahhh!!!!!!!! It really shows you that I did a decent job planning, but need to account for everything. On top of that, I did not work out on Sunday or Monday.

Just reminds me I have to be conscious all the time.

Picking Up

Hey,
Long time no see. I've had a very active week and I am happy with the amount of exercising that I am doing.

Yesterday was weigh in day...

Weight: 209.5 (↓ 2.5 lbs)
Waist: 35 (↓ .5 inches)
Belly Button: 39.5 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 47.25 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 4329 (↑ 761)

So last week
Walk: 6 times, total 156 mins (↓ 12 mins)
Run: 3 times, 78 mins (↑ 36 mins)
Swim: 2 times, 68 mins (↑ 8 mins)
Strength: 2 time, 53 mins (same)
Pilates: 2, 42 mins (↑ 36 mins)

I went down 12 mins in walking, but I went up in running, swimming, and pilates, so I net increase my workouts by 68 mins. Awesome!!!!!

This weekend I am going to Calgary to visit my sister so I am packing some fruits and foods to eat for breakfast, lunch, and supper so that I maintain true to my


I am currently watching X-Weighted and I am modifying my goals.

Starting Dec 31, weight 214
My 6 month goal: July 1 - 175
My 3 month goal: April 1 - 195

So with this weigh-in I have 14.5 lbs to go in 10 weeks (1.45 lbs/week). It seems do able. With my trip to Calgary, my goal this week is 1.5lbs. My sister has an elliptical (being delivered the day I fly in) and I found a rec centre I can swim out, so I am still going to have an active weekend. My first challenge and I am going to sail through with flying colours.

I have to leave soon. Stay well!

Energy

Today I worked (well I was in training) from 9:30am-4pm and then class from 5pm-8pm tonight. This is the first day I had of work and school, and I have to say the past few weeks I have been worried that I would be exhausted and tired and this would be a long semester.

What I noticed, the past few days, my energy levels are higher but different.. I am use to having high energy levels in peaks, I'll feel like I have a lot of energy for a few hours but then it will gradually wane or I'll crash. So my average energy levels were 6 and I use to have peaks at 8 or 9, but now I find I am sustaining around an 8 with peaks of 9 or 10. And I like it!!!!! I like knowing that my energy is becoming dependable. I like knowing that I will be able to handle all the things in my life more efficiently because I know I can count on energy and my desire to accomplish more. For the moment, this "more" means working full-time, taking two classes, exercising, and working on my relationships. And for this I am grateful.

Mentally, I think I am coming around to being able to excel at CASB and the modules and be an excellent CA. I have been afraid, and recently I've allowed myself to come face to face with that fear and I am letting it go. Success, by my standards, is something I am slowly allowing myself to expect. My future is fully of success and I am opening myself to it.

Ohh, I am going to try and do the one minute a day (at least) of meditation. (just saw it on Oprah).

I am getting happy, slowly, but I am getting to that point of actively pursuing happiness. And this makes me smile. =:)

Patience

I started swimming again this week. I was talking to my friend last weekend and she started swimming two years ago with her other friend (but she moved back home). And although I swam for years as kid, I stopped when I was about 12 and last December ('07) I started again but stopped in March.
When I was talking to my friend, I remembered how much I enjoyed swimming and although it did not fit into my school schedule, now that I am working, I figured I'd try. And I forgot how much I enjoyed it.

On Sunday, I was preparing for a very short swim, not sure how my endurance would hold up and I did a whole 1km!!!! I was so stoked!! I'm not sure I like a 25m pool, I am use to swimming 50m, but it is not bad. And I was ready to go again yesterday. So yesterday I went for a run in the morning and a swim in the evening. It felt good. I am starting to feel like I cannot get enough.

Well, today was weigh in day.

Weight: 212 (↓ 1 lbs)
Waist: 35.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 39.75 (no change)
Hips: 47.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3568 (↑ 1563)

So last week
Walk: 5 times, total 168 mins (↑ 48 mins)
Run: 2 times, 42 mins (↓ 4 mins)
Swim: 2 times, 60 mins (new)
Strength: 3 time, 53 mins (↑ 36 mins)
Pilates: 1, 21 mins (new)

My goal from last week
Walk: 6 times, 210 mins (did not meet the goal)
Run: 3 times, 70 mins (did not meet the goal)
Strength: 2 times, 40 mins (exceeded the goal

My goal for net week
Walk: 6 times, 210 mins (did not meet the goal)
Run: 3 times, 70 mins
Strength: 2 times, 40 mins
Swim: 2 times, 60 mins
Pilates: 2 times, 40 mins
Yoga: 1 time, 60 mins


I lost a pound, I am getting stronger and more flexible and my energy levels are increasing!!! Love it!!!! I have added a few more goals, and I am quite pleased with the progress I am making.

I do have some dietary good news and bad news today. Bad news, I did not make the best lunch choices today. My mum called me to have lunch with her, and I ate all of my burrito plus the mexi fries when I knew I should have ate only 3/4 of it. But, when I went to Cake etc, to pick up something for my mum's b-day on Saturday (I totally forgot) I did not buy anything for myself. Yeah!!!!! That burriot (or chimichanga I should say) really slowed me down and it did not taste as good as it usually does (which is good for me).

Off to do my pilates.

Breakthrough

I finally increased my cardio and I could feel it on my 20min run today. Before my 20 min runs have been chores (so I've avoided them) and today I felt strong and my heartrate was lower than it usually is and it felt great!!!!

Not sure if it is strength training or if it was the swim or me making sure to do SOME form of exercise everyday, but I've increased my endurance and my heart rate is lowering.

Happy dance!!! Happy dance!!! Happy dance!!!

Mini Yeah (On Friday)

Morning

I had a mini accomplishment today. I had to get up early to drop my mum to work and I did not eat breakfast. What I would have done is swung by a Tim Hortons, grabbed a bagel, hot chocolate, and either a soup or donut (or both) and then eat because I was really really really hungry.

But instead for financial and health reasons I decided to just feel my hunger and wait. It was a bit hard, because I have a fear of hunger. What it might do to me. As a result, sometimes I eat in anticipation of the hunger in order to avoid it. It makes me wonder why I am afraid of hunger.

So instead of going to Tim Hortons, I went home and had a banana, potato and leek soup, bagel, tea and 1/2 ounce of almonds. I had the almonds while I was preparing the food, and within 5 mins of eating the almonds the hunger started to go away and the angry feeling I get from being hungry started to go away. I am proud that I did not run away from my hunger and resolved it in a healthy way. It is the little accomplishments that makes me happy.!!


From Oprah's show on weight and exercise, Bob Greene (you can get more info at http://www.thebestlife.com/) had these questions to answer. I thought there were great and helped to get to the root why I am the weight I am.

Bob's Questions
What are you really hungry for?
-I am hungry for acceptance and love. Funny thing is, looking back now I have love but at times I push it away.
-I use food to punish myself when I feel like I am not accepted and I use shopping to buy myself acceptance

Why are you overweight?
-I am overweight because I choose to ignore my feelings about myself and my relationships with people
-I eat for punishment and for rewards
-I eat because true success scares me

Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
-I use food for punishment
-If I get to a weight and I feel comfortable with my body and I am "attractive" I am afraid that I will still be alone. Being overweight gives me an excuse for being alone.
-what happens when I take that excuse away?

What in your life is not working?
-my ability to trust myself and truly believe in myself and that I have enough
-my ability to handle stress and worry

Why do you want to lose weight?
-to truly value and honour who I am as a human being
-to be the best I can be
-to give myself to the world

I am hoping these questions will help to take the weight off my shoulders and let me be me and live my life in a healthy and fulfilling way.

How would you answer those questions?

Reprogramming

I think, looking back, I am going to owe Oprah my life. Or I should say my authentic self.

I have read self-help books, diet books, real age books, etc for years. I theoretically and mentally know the information, the her January issue plus her Best Life Week has allowed me to have several, silent "aha" moments.

In the past I've had huge, trumpet sounding aha moments, but those have rarely lead to life changing behaviours. I go full out and then fizzle out. But I think because I am having the smaller aha's and I am allowing myself to make gradual changes and taking things slowly, it feels better.

I was able to come face to face with not only my debt today, but the reason behind it: I am not enough on my own, that is why I need things to fill me up. This has been on the tip of my tongue for years, but now I finally said it. I actually calculated all my debt, credit card and student loans, and looked at it face to face. Without are pretext, or explanations, but just looked at it for what it was. I emailed my sister about it, and now I feel relieved to share it, to not let it shame me.

I can feel already a little bit more stillness inside of me. And I am being compassionate and allowing meditation into my life slowly. My goals is 3 mins. For some reason, 10 mins seemed insurmountable, but 3 mins is manageable. I still have to do my 3 mins today (and I will) but this feels like a small change that will evolve into a bigger one in months.

Patience, honesty, acceptance, and compassion are the skills I need to evolve beyond this.

It is interesting that businesses (and people) evolve, get innovative in a crisis situation. The rapid weight loss and spending over christmas finally created that crisis situation that forced me to look at the truth face to face. And for that I am grateful. And because of that, I can move on.

Thank you. Thank you all.

Whooosh

Today was weigh in day. And yesterday I was definitely nervous.

I was caught up reading Twilight series over the weekend that I did not work out Sunday or Monday. And yesterday I had a food headache (I ate pretty darn healthy yesterday but my body is still adjusting) so I did not do any exercise today. So, I was worried that I had put more weight on and that I could not be successful at this. Internally, I know I've made good eating choices because my body just feels better (I do not know how to explain it).

But my exercise has been waning because I have been pushing myself too much with my running and when I do that I mentally reject running. So now, instead of having distance goals for my runs in January, I am giving myself time goals and whatever speed it takes and whatever distance I cover during those times is irrelevant. I need to get myself physically and mentally use to running longer time frames, and then I can work on improving my speed.

So, to the good stuff. My weight. I lost some pounds this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Considering my recent upward spiral, I am excited!

Weight: 213 (↓ 1 lbs)
Waist: 36 (no change)
Belly Button: 40 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 48 (no change)
Calories burned (total): 2005 (↑ 1226)

So last week
Walk: 4 times, total 120 mins
Run: 2 times, 46 mins
Strength: 1 time, 17 mins

My goal for this week
Walk: 6 times, 210 mins
Run: 3 times, 70 mins
Strength: 2 times, 40 mins

Gotta run to work and I still need to assemble my lunch!!!

Stay well!!!

Rants

Rants

1) Breast Cancer

The ads for the weekend to end breast cancer is EVERYWHERE. It is so nauseating!!!!
As a woman, with boobs, some would say I have a right to rant about this. As a woman who has not suffered or known someone who has suffered with breast cancer (cancer, yes; breast cancer, no). I guess it is more the media focus/obsession than anything else. My frustration lays in the facts.

First, American women are 4 to 6 times more likely to die of heart disease than of breast cancer.
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/common/heartdisease/risk/287.html

Second, "While the risk of breast cancer should not be diminished," Greenberger said, "women need to know that lung cancer actually kills more, claiming the lives of almost 70,000 American women each year."
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/hearttruth/press/fear_doubled.htm

Third, It is estimated that 10-15% of lung cancer cases are diagnosed in people that have never smoked. Unfortunately, most of these patients are women, and it has become increasingly more common for non-smoking women to be diagnosed with lung cancer. Statistics show that 1 out of 5 women diagnosed with lung cancer have never smoked, compared to 1 out of 10 men.
http://cancer.about.com/od/lungcancer/a/nonsmokers.htm
As the number of men with lung cancer declines, the American Cancer Society estimates that 73,020 women will die in the United States of lung cancer this year, more than those who will die from breast, ovarian and uterine cancers combined.
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Health/story?id=1014929&page=1

I think you get my point. Whether it is society's focus of breasts being the epitome of female sexuality in our culture or that the loss of woman's boobs are something both sexes fear, or that breast cancer is not your fault and lung cancer is. Breast cancer is overshadowing other diseases.

Heart disease is a concern, because there are lifestyle changes that people can make an any age to prevent (yes I said lifestyle and not drugs). I would like to see more awareness given to heart disease (really I would prefer it if breast cancer did not outshine heart disease). If you want to show your support, February is the month to do so.
In Canada
http://www.heartandstroke.com/site/c.ikIQLcMWJtE/b.3835787/k.CCA0/Volunteer_for_Heart_Month_2009.htm
In the USA
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/hearttruth/index.htm

Lung cancer, because premenopausal women whom are nonsmokers are dying of lung cancer (and a lung cancer diagnosis is like a death sentence). Would you judge a woman who drank alcohol had breast cancer (http://www.cancer.ca/Canada-wide/Prevention/Eat%20well/Make%20healthy%20eating%20choices/Alcohol%20and%20cancer.aspx?sc_lang=en) Why would you judge someone who has lung cancer (now if in 2008, that person was in their 20s as I am, I'd be like "you know through school as well as I did that smoking was bad" but those older than me, did not have the same foresight. Regardless, they are dying, they are addictive, refrain from judging and give them a break, eh.

Whatever you medical charity of choice, exercising and eating healthy is always a good prevention technique. I am not sure what doc I heard on the tv say, but in the past food was used as a way to heal and treat diseases. Medicine is great, but why not use food as well as medicine to heal the body? I want to find a doctor that does that.


2) Midwives and Drug Induced birth

First, I am the person that often refers to children as "it" or "offspring". I'll reproduce sometime in my 30s after my career has a good foundation and I am married. To say the least, I am not obsessed with having 8 pounds shooting out my vagina. However, this documentary I saw recently got me intrigued in this topic. Ricki Lake made this documentary on childbirth in America. Why am I bringing up this topic? I am watching 20/20 and they are talking about "orgasmic birth" http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/. After watching the Business of Being Born (http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/), I have a slight idea of natural, drug-free childbirth but this is the first time I've heard of orgasmic childbirth.

When I was in high school and my friend told me her sister had a midwife and she was having her baby at home, I could not understand why someone would give up a doctor. Who would do that? Was it safe? Why would you want to be induced my animal sperm rather than drugs? This documentary answered a lot of those questions, but for me it is just the beginning. I have investigating to do before I decide to reproduce.

For more info in Canada on midwives, http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/
In the USA, http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/midwives.html
North America, http://mana.org/


http://www.canadianmidwives.org/links.htm

Jan 2

I completed the first day of training at H&R Block. I am excited to actually start doing taxes and I am looking forward to learning more. Training was pretty easy today, I mostly learned things I already knew but still funnish.

I walked today but did not run (even though it is my designated run day). I am donating blood tomorrow, so I need to run, strength train, and walk before I go out because Sunday will be an easy workout day for me. I am looking forward to a nice, sweaty morning.

The healthiness of my meals has improved (I am proud). I think it will be a few more days before I am chocolate free, but I am craving less and I am coping better than I have for the past few weeks. Having a routine certainly helps.

I am hoping tomorrow is successful!!!!!

Day One

I went to the store today to pick up some things for my mum. She has a flu or the cold, so I finally got an issue of O's January 2009 issue. I have never read O Magazine before, but I was reading an article online (and it continued in the magazine) and it was worth it.

I liked how Oprah weight gain. "As my friend Marianne Williamson shared with me, 'your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food. She's craving love.' Falling off the wagon isn't a weight issue, it's a love issue." This aha moment I need to keep in mind

And I was watching "Duchess on a Mission", an interesting mini-series. It is helping to reaffirm that sometimes we stumble. I am having a hard time giving up the chocolate. I know part of the problem is I've had a lot of free time and every time I go to the grocery store, I pick up chocolate. Tomorrow, getting back into a routine will help. And she also said something that I needed to hear to remind myself that I need to volunteer. Fergie said, "my grandmother, said to me 'when in doubt and you feel bad about yourself, go and give to others."

The important thing for me is small steps. This other article in O about rats and changes said this...

1) My point: Life has installed within you powerful "getting warmer, getting colder" signals... It isn't necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what fees better and what feels worse.
2) Trim tabs are tiny rudders attached to the back of larger rudders that steer huge ships. The big rudders would snap off if turned directly...just moving the little trim tab builds a low pressure that pulls the rudder around. Takes almost no effort at all...Every life is a series of trip tab decisions..If you make mistakes, no problem; you'll soon feel colder and correct your course. Making consistent trim tab choices toward happiness is what steers the might ship of life into exotic ports, safe havens

Any change I've tried to do in my life has been huge and major changes, and those have been unsuccessful. This is a biiiiiiiig deal for me. I am hoping that in time, this will evolve into a major change, but for now, a little bit everyday is good enough for me.

My takeaway: make little changes and eventually they'll lead to bigger changes.

And I need to meditate. I think I am just going to do it first thing in the morning. I've read somewhere that it is not good to do it as soon as you get up, but I think for me, at this point in my life, I have to. And I am going to drop it down to 5 mins. In a few weeks I might be able to do it for 10 mins, but for now, the habit of meditating is what I want to cultivate.

Small steps, consistency, and contingency plans are my centering points that I need to remember.

Money

And through all this, now that I am done my uni degree, it is time for me to be responsible about my money. I so desperately want to go to Europe this summer (I have 4 weeks off) but although I might be able to save the money, that means that I am making minimum payments on my $14,000 debt (excluding student loans) and I am moving to Vancouver with just damage deposit and 1st months rent. And that thought terrifies me and does not put me in a position of financial independence.

I am realizing it is more important to move to Vancouver in September with some cash in hand (at least 2 months rent) and enough money to cover my expenses for September. I want to spend my first month at my new job and in Vancouver knowing I have more than enough money to live. I am not sure if I'll get two paycheques in Sept or one or any and starting my life in Vancouver is extremely important. I do want to see my friends in Europe, but those funds are going to have to come to me another way than just working my job. I am not sure how yet, but I am hopefully that something will work out so I can have a cushion and travel.