reflection

I find myself wondering about myself. Reflecting on my journey. This 189.5 is symbolic of many things. It is a marker on my journey to being. But really you cannot journey to being, but you just have to be. Ok, what I am trying to say is the awareness that I have now is different than the last time I was 189.5 So that leads me into this question.....when was the last time I was 189.5?

2002 - September I was in the 140s
2003 - I was in the 150s
2004 - Fall I was in the 170s at UBC
2005 - Summer, I was in the 190s
2006 -
2007 - In April, before I left, I was about 225-230. That was my highest
2008 - I was in the 190s

So the last time I was in the 180s was early-mid 2005. That means I was 20 years old. That was 4 years ago.

One thing I learned from Jillian is that I being angry with the person that was a few weeks, a few months, a few years ago is futile. Really, that person got me to be here in this moment. What I am learning from Tolle is that this moment is all I have. Holding on to past resentment or anger has no function.

What I can do is surrender to this moment. I've always thought of surrendering as something weak or futile. What purposes does hating my 189.5 body serve? What purposes does believing my life will be magically better at 135 serve? What purposes does hating my 225 body?

I am in this moment. Are you?

Be well!!!!