Day One

I went to the store today to pick up some things for my mum. She has a flu or the cold, so I finally got an issue of O's January 2009 issue. I have never read O Magazine before, but I was reading an article online (and it continued in the magazine) and it was worth it.

I liked how Oprah weight gain. "As my friend Marianne Williamson shared with me, 'your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food. She's craving love.' Falling off the wagon isn't a weight issue, it's a love issue." This aha moment I need to keep in mind

And I was watching "Duchess on a Mission", an interesting mini-series. It is helping to reaffirm that sometimes we stumble. I am having a hard time giving up the chocolate. I know part of the problem is I've had a lot of free time and every time I go to the grocery store, I pick up chocolate. Tomorrow, getting back into a routine will help. And she also said something that I needed to hear to remind myself that I need to volunteer. Fergie said, "my grandmother, said to me 'when in doubt and you feel bad about yourself, go and give to others."

The important thing for me is small steps. This other article in O about rats and changes said this...

1) My point: Life has installed within you powerful "getting warmer, getting colder" signals... It isn't necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what fees better and what feels worse.
2) Trim tabs are tiny rudders attached to the back of larger rudders that steer huge ships. The big rudders would snap off if turned directly...just moving the little trim tab builds a low pressure that pulls the rudder around. Takes almost no effort at all...Every life is a series of trip tab decisions..If you make mistakes, no problem; you'll soon feel colder and correct your course. Making consistent trim tab choices toward happiness is what steers the might ship of life into exotic ports, safe havens

Any change I've tried to do in my life has been huge and major changes, and those have been unsuccessful. This is a biiiiiiiig deal for me. I am hoping that in time, this will evolve into a major change, but for now, a little bit everyday is good enough for me.

My takeaway: make little changes and eventually they'll lead to bigger changes.

And I need to meditate. I think I am just going to do it first thing in the morning. I've read somewhere that it is not good to do it as soon as you get up, but I think for me, at this point in my life, I have to. And I am going to drop it down to 5 mins. In a few weeks I might be able to do it for 10 mins, but for now, the habit of meditating is what I want to cultivate.

Small steps, consistency, and contingency plans are my centering points that I need to remember.

Money

And through all this, now that I am done my uni degree, it is time for me to be responsible about my money. I so desperately want to go to Europe this summer (I have 4 weeks off) but although I might be able to save the money, that means that I am making minimum payments on my $14,000 debt (excluding student loans) and I am moving to Vancouver with just damage deposit and 1st months rent. And that thought terrifies me and does not put me in a position of financial independence.

I am realizing it is more important to move to Vancouver in September with some cash in hand (at least 2 months rent) and enough money to cover my expenses for September. I want to spend my first month at my new job and in Vancouver knowing I have more than enough money to live. I am not sure if I'll get two paycheques in Sept or one or any and starting my life in Vancouver is extremely important. I do want to see my friends in Europe, but those funds are going to have to come to me another way than just working my job. I am not sure how yet, but I am hopefully that something will work out so I can have a cushion and travel.