I did it again

I am noticing that my period sometimes results in inappropriate dietary decisions. I decided Thursday evening that it was a good idea to have KFC and two donuts from Tim Hortons. Boy was I thirsty on Friday.

I realize today it was not the result of my period, although it was a contributing factor. It was primarily because I was seeing an old friend on Saturday. We were good friends but since I went overseas for a year, she got engaged and things changed.

I don't like the way I am with her. It comes down to the fact that I don't trust her. And when I do see her, she is condescending and judgmental. Sometimes she is like that with me, but for the most part, she is like that in general. A lot of the time when we do talk, I feel like she is talking at me, it is not a conversation. We tried to talk about what happened, but she doesn't really want to talk about it.

For me, it came down to when I came back, whenever we did things, we it became a trio event. She told me later that her and her fiance were an inseparable unit, so I felt like she did not want to be friends with me. I felt hurt. Before, she was a confidant, but now she is not. Before we'd talk about everything and now the conversations are superficial and generic.

She asked me one question that bothered me. She asked me if I ever wanted to get married, out of the blue. She said I never talked about it with her and I remember plenty of times were we discussed it. It seemed like such a loaded question. I really cannot phanthom the motivation behind that question. The only logically explanation I can see is she thinks that I don't believe in marriage ergo, I don't believe in hers. I think it was her tone of "disgust" or "contempt" that asked the question that bothered me more than anything. It seemed like the only right answer is "yes" even though marriage is a personal choice. She use to be a very direct person, but now she is sooooooooooooooooo passive aggressive.

I think it comes down to the fact where I don't trust her. I feel like I have to prove myself to her when I have done nothing but be honest with her. And it still seems like she has not tried. I've been the one to make the effort the past few times, and she's either ignored me or been slow to respond. I feel like I've done my part, and that she needs to put in the effort. If she wants this friendship, she will actually try.

I have to say, before I was afraid of not being friends with purely because we were friends for so long. Before I was afraid of ending the friendship, but now I feel okay on just letting this friendship go. At this point, I feel like I did the mature and responsible thing.

In the end I am pleased with how things went, and it just reminds me to be grateful for the real friends in my life.