Fast Food Anyone?

As you know, I was getting a little worried about what might happen in Calgary, in relation to my food intake and exercise. Friday I exercised before my flight and ate healthy. Saturday I went to the gym and had a healthy breakfast and lunch. At the ceremony, I did end up eating about 2 serving of desserts, 2 glasses of wine, and a couple vodka tonics. I did make it through the night without any fast food.

But Sunday, I woke up with my usual "I am tired and hungry" feeling that happens after a few drinks. So I skipped my healthy breakfast, and instead went to KFC (not the best idea).

Part of my was not feeling to bad about it, but if that was my only slip up for the weekend, that would have been fine. But when I got home Sunday night, I went to Dariy Queen. Ahhh!!!!!!!! It really shows you that I did a decent job planning, but need to account for everything. On top of that, I did not work out on Sunday or Monday.

Just reminds me I have to be conscious all the time.

Picking Up

Hey,
Long time no see. I've had a very active week and I am happy with the amount of exercising that I am doing.

Yesterday was weigh in day...

Weight: 209.5 (↓ 2.5 lbs)
Waist: 35 (↓ .5 inches)
Belly Button: 39.5 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 47.25 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 4329 (↑ 761)

So last week
Walk: 6 times, total 156 mins (↓ 12 mins)
Run: 3 times, 78 mins (↑ 36 mins)
Swim: 2 times, 68 mins (↑ 8 mins)
Strength: 2 time, 53 mins (same)
Pilates: 2, 42 mins (↑ 36 mins)

I went down 12 mins in walking, but I went up in running, swimming, and pilates, so I net increase my workouts by 68 mins. Awesome!!!!!

This weekend I am going to Calgary to visit my sister so I am packing some fruits and foods to eat for breakfast, lunch, and supper so that I maintain true to my


I am currently watching X-Weighted and I am modifying my goals.

Starting Dec 31, weight 214
My 6 month goal: July 1 - 175
My 3 month goal: April 1 - 195

So with this weigh-in I have 14.5 lbs to go in 10 weeks (1.45 lbs/week). It seems do able. With my trip to Calgary, my goal this week is 1.5lbs. My sister has an elliptical (being delivered the day I fly in) and I found a rec centre I can swim out, so I am still going to have an active weekend. My first challenge and I am going to sail through with flying colours.

I have to leave soon. Stay well!

Energy

Today I worked (well I was in training) from 9:30am-4pm and then class from 5pm-8pm tonight. This is the first day I had of work and school, and I have to say the past few weeks I have been worried that I would be exhausted and tired and this would be a long semester.

What I noticed, the past few days, my energy levels are higher but different.. I am use to having high energy levels in peaks, I'll feel like I have a lot of energy for a few hours but then it will gradually wane or I'll crash. So my average energy levels were 6 and I use to have peaks at 8 or 9, but now I find I am sustaining around an 8 with peaks of 9 or 10. And I like it!!!!! I like knowing that my energy is becoming dependable. I like knowing that I will be able to handle all the things in my life more efficiently because I know I can count on energy and my desire to accomplish more. For the moment, this "more" means working full-time, taking two classes, exercising, and working on my relationships. And for this I am grateful.

Mentally, I think I am coming around to being able to excel at CASB and the modules and be an excellent CA. I have been afraid, and recently I've allowed myself to come face to face with that fear and I am letting it go. Success, by my standards, is something I am slowly allowing myself to expect. My future is fully of success and I am opening myself to it.

Ohh, I am going to try and do the one minute a day (at least) of meditation. (just saw it on Oprah).

I am getting happy, slowly, but I am getting to that point of actively pursuing happiness. And this makes me smile. =:)

Patience

I started swimming again this week. I was talking to my friend last weekend and she started swimming two years ago with her other friend (but she moved back home). And although I swam for years as kid, I stopped when I was about 12 and last December ('07) I started again but stopped in March.
When I was talking to my friend, I remembered how much I enjoyed swimming and although it did not fit into my school schedule, now that I am working, I figured I'd try. And I forgot how much I enjoyed it.

On Sunday, I was preparing for a very short swim, not sure how my endurance would hold up and I did a whole 1km!!!! I was so stoked!! I'm not sure I like a 25m pool, I am use to swimming 50m, but it is not bad. And I was ready to go again yesterday. So yesterday I went for a run in the morning and a swim in the evening. It felt good. I am starting to feel like I cannot get enough.

Well, today was weigh in day.

Weight: 212 (↓ 1 lbs)
Waist: 35.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Belly Button: 39.75 (no change)
Hips: 47.75 (↓ .25 inches)
Calories burned (total): 3568 (↑ 1563)

So last week
Walk: 5 times, total 168 mins (↑ 48 mins)
Run: 2 times, 42 mins (↓ 4 mins)
Swim: 2 times, 60 mins (new)
Strength: 3 time, 53 mins (↑ 36 mins)
Pilates: 1, 21 mins (new)

My goal from last week
Walk: 6 times, 210 mins (did not meet the goal)
Run: 3 times, 70 mins (did not meet the goal)
Strength: 2 times, 40 mins (exceeded the goal

My goal for net week
Walk: 6 times, 210 mins (did not meet the goal)
Run: 3 times, 70 mins
Strength: 2 times, 40 mins
Swim: 2 times, 60 mins
Pilates: 2 times, 40 mins
Yoga: 1 time, 60 mins


I lost a pound, I am getting stronger and more flexible and my energy levels are increasing!!! Love it!!!! I have added a few more goals, and I am quite pleased with the progress I am making.

I do have some dietary good news and bad news today. Bad news, I did not make the best lunch choices today. My mum called me to have lunch with her, and I ate all of my burrito plus the mexi fries when I knew I should have ate only 3/4 of it. But, when I went to Cake etc, to pick up something for my mum's b-day on Saturday (I totally forgot) I did not buy anything for myself. Yeah!!!!! That burriot (or chimichanga I should say) really slowed me down and it did not taste as good as it usually does (which is good for me).

Off to do my pilates.

Breakthrough

I finally increased my cardio and I could feel it on my 20min run today. Before my 20 min runs have been chores (so I've avoided them) and today I felt strong and my heartrate was lower than it usually is and it felt great!!!!

Not sure if it is strength training or if it was the swim or me making sure to do SOME form of exercise everyday, but I've increased my endurance and my heart rate is lowering.

Happy dance!!! Happy dance!!! Happy dance!!!

Mini Yeah (On Friday)

Morning

I had a mini accomplishment today. I had to get up early to drop my mum to work and I did not eat breakfast. What I would have done is swung by a Tim Hortons, grabbed a bagel, hot chocolate, and either a soup or donut (or both) and then eat because I was really really really hungry.

But instead for financial and health reasons I decided to just feel my hunger and wait. It was a bit hard, because I have a fear of hunger. What it might do to me. As a result, sometimes I eat in anticipation of the hunger in order to avoid it. It makes me wonder why I am afraid of hunger.

So instead of going to Tim Hortons, I went home and had a banana, potato and leek soup, bagel, tea and 1/2 ounce of almonds. I had the almonds while I was preparing the food, and within 5 mins of eating the almonds the hunger started to go away and the angry feeling I get from being hungry started to go away. I am proud that I did not run away from my hunger and resolved it in a healthy way. It is the little accomplishments that makes me happy.!!


From Oprah's show on weight and exercise, Bob Greene (you can get more info at http://www.thebestlife.com/) had these questions to answer. I thought there were great and helped to get to the root why I am the weight I am.

Bob's Questions
What are you really hungry for?
-I am hungry for acceptance and love. Funny thing is, looking back now I have love but at times I push it away.
-I use food to punish myself when I feel like I am not accepted and I use shopping to buy myself acceptance

Why are you overweight?
-I am overweight because I choose to ignore my feelings about myself and my relationships with people
-I eat for punishment and for rewards
-I eat because true success scares me

Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
-I use food for punishment
-If I get to a weight and I feel comfortable with my body and I am "attractive" I am afraid that I will still be alone. Being overweight gives me an excuse for being alone.
-what happens when I take that excuse away?

What in your life is not working?
-my ability to trust myself and truly believe in myself and that I have enough
-my ability to handle stress and worry

Why do you want to lose weight?
-to truly value and honour who I am as a human being
-to be the best I can be
-to give myself to the world

I am hoping these questions will help to take the weight off my shoulders and let me be me and live my life in a healthy and fulfilling way.

How would you answer those questions?

Reprogramming

I think, looking back, I am going to owe Oprah my life. Or I should say my authentic self.

I have read self-help books, diet books, real age books, etc for years. I theoretically and mentally know the information, the her January issue plus her Best Life Week has allowed me to have several, silent "aha" moments.

In the past I've had huge, trumpet sounding aha moments, but those have rarely lead to life changing behaviours. I go full out and then fizzle out. But I think because I am having the smaller aha's and I am allowing myself to make gradual changes and taking things slowly, it feels better.

I was able to come face to face with not only my debt today, but the reason behind it: I am not enough on my own, that is why I need things to fill me up. This has been on the tip of my tongue for years, but now I finally said it. I actually calculated all my debt, credit card and student loans, and looked at it face to face. Without are pretext, or explanations, but just looked at it for what it was. I emailed my sister about it, and now I feel relieved to share it, to not let it shame me.

I can feel already a little bit more stillness inside of me. And I am being compassionate and allowing meditation into my life slowly. My goals is 3 mins. For some reason, 10 mins seemed insurmountable, but 3 mins is manageable. I still have to do my 3 mins today (and I will) but this feels like a small change that will evolve into a bigger one in months.

Patience, honesty, acceptance, and compassion are the skills I need to evolve beyond this.

It is interesting that businesses (and people) evolve, get innovative in a crisis situation. The rapid weight loss and spending over christmas finally created that crisis situation that forced me to look at the truth face to face. And for that I am grateful. And because of that, I can move on.

Thank you. Thank you all.

Whooosh

Today was weigh in day. And yesterday I was definitely nervous.

I was caught up reading Twilight series over the weekend that I did not work out Sunday or Monday. And yesterday I had a food headache (I ate pretty darn healthy yesterday but my body is still adjusting) so I did not do any exercise today. So, I was worried that I had put more weight on and that I could not be successful at this. Internally, I know I've made good eating choices because my body just feels better (I do not know how to explain it).

But my exercise has been waning because I have been pushing myself too much with my running and when I do that I mentally reject running. So now, instead of having distance goals for my runs in January, I am giving myself time goals and whatever speed it takes and whatever distance I cover during those times is irrelevant. I need to get myself physically and mentally use to running longer time frames, and then I can work on improving my speed.

So, to the good stuff. My weight. I lost some pounds this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Considering my recent upward spiral, I am excited!

Weight: 213 (↓ 1 lbs)
Waist: 36 (no change)
Belly Button: 40 (↓ .25 inches)
Hips: 48 (no change)
Calories burned (total): 2005 (↑ 1226)

So last week
Walk: 4 times, total 120 mins
Run: 2 times, 46 mins
Strength: 1 time, 17 mins

My goal for this week
Walk: 6 times, 210 mins
Run: 3 times, 70 mins
Strength: 2 times, 40 mins

Gotta run to work and I still need to assemble my lunch!!!

Stay well!!!

Rants

Rants

1) Breast Cancer

The ads for the weekend to end breast cancer is EVERYWHERE. It is so nauseating!!!!
As a woman, with boobs, some would say I have a right to rant about this. As a woman who has not suffered or known someone who has suffered with breast cancer (cancer, yes; breast cancer, no). I guess it is more the media focus/obsession than anything else. My frustration lays in the facts.

First, American women are 4 to 6 times more likely to die of heart disease than of breast cancer.
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/common/heartdisease/risk/287.html

Second, "While the risk of breast cancer should not be diminished," Greenberger said, "women need to know that lung cancer actually kills more, claiming the lives of almost 70,000 American women each year."
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/hearttruth/press/fear_doubled.htm

Third, It is estimated that 10-15% of lung cancer cases are diagnosed in people that have never smoked. Unfortunately, most of these patients are women, and it has become increasingly more common for non-smoking women to be diagnosed with lung cancer. Statistics show that 1 out of 5 women diagnosed with lung cancer have never smoked, compared to 1 out of 10 men.
http://cancer.about.com/od/lungcancer/a/nonsmokers.htm
As the number of men with lung cancer declines, the American Cancer Society estimates that 73,020 women will die in the United States of lung cancer this year, more than those who will die from breast, ovarian and uterine cancers combined.
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Health/story?id=1014929&page=1

I think you get my point. Whether it is society's focus of breasts being the epitome of female sexuality in our culture or that the loss of woman's boobs are something both sexes fear, or that breast cancer is not your fault and lung cancer is. Breast cancer is overshadowing other diseases.

Heart disease is a concern, because there are lifestyle changes that people can make an any age to prevent (yes I said lifestyle and not drugs). I would like to see more awareness given to heart disease (really I would prefer it if breast cancer did not outshine heart disease). If you want to show your support, February is the month to do so.
In Canada
http://www.heartandstroke.com/site/c.ikIQLcMWJtE/b.3835787/k.CCA0/Volunteer_for_Heart_Month_2009.htm
In the USA
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/hearttruth/index.htm

Lung cancer, because premenopausal women whom are nonsmokers are dying of lung cancer (and a lung cancer diagnosis is like a death sentence). Would you judge a woman who drank alcohol had breast cancer (http://www.cancer.ca/Canada-wide/Prevention/Eat%20well/Make%20healthy%20eating%20choices/Alcohol%20and%20cancer.aspx?sc_lang=en) Why would you judge someone who has lung cancer (now if in 2008, that person was in their 20s as I am, I'd be like "you know through school as well as I did that smoking was bad" but those older than me, did not have the same foresight. Regardless, they are dying, they are addictive, refrain from judging and give them a break, eh.

Whatever you medical charity of choice, exercising and eating healthy is always a good prevention technique. I am not sure what doc I heard on the tv say, but in the past food was used as a way to heal and treat diseases. Medicine is great, but why not use food as well as medicine to heal the body? I want to find a doctor that does that.


2) Midwives and Drug Induced birth

First, I am the person that often refers to children as "it" or "offspring". I'll reproduce sometime in my 30s after my career has a good foundation and I am married. To say the least, I am not obsessed with having 8 pounds shooting out my vagina. However, this documentary I saw recently got me intrigued in this topic. Ricki Lake made this documentary on childbirth in America. Why am I bringing up this topic? I am watching 20/20 and they are talking about "orgasmic birth" http://www.orgasmicbirth.com/. After watching the Business of Being Born (http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/), I have a slight idea of natural, drug-free childbirth but this is the first time I've heard of orgasmic childbirth.

When I was in high school and my friend told me her sister had a midwife and she was having her baby at home, I could not understand why someone would give up a doctor. Who would do that? Was it safe? Why would you want to be induced my animal sperm rather than drugs? This documentary answered a lot of those questions, but for me it is just the beginning. I have investigating to do before I decide to reproduce.

For more info in Canada on midwives, http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/
In the USA, http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/midwives.html
North America, http://mana.org/


http://www.canadianmidwives.org/links.htm

Jan 2

I completed the first day of training at H&R Block. I am excited to actually start doing taxes and I am looking forward to learning more. Training was pretty easy today, I mostly learned things I already knew but still funnish.

I walked today but did not run (even though it is my designated run day). I am donating blood tomorrow, so I need to run, strength train, and walk before I go out because Sunday will be an easy workout day for me. I am looking forward to a nice, sweaty morning.

The healthiness of my meals has improved (I am proud). I think it will be a few more days before I am chocolate free, but I am craving less and I am coping better than I have for the past few weeks. Having a routine certainly helps.

I am hoping tomorrow is successful!!!!!

Day One

I went to the store today to pick up some things for my mum. She has a flu or the cold, so I finally got an issue of O's January 2009 issue. I have never read O Magazine before, but I was reading an article online (and it continued in the magazine) and it was worth it.

I liked how Oprah weight gain. "As my friend Marianne Williamson shared with me, 'your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food. She's craving love.' Falling off the wagon isn't a weight issue, it's a love issue." This aha moment I need to keep in mind

And I was watching "Duchess on a Mission", an interesting mini-series. It is helping to reaffirm that sometimes we stumble. I am having a hard time giving up the chocolate. I know part of the problem is I've had a lot of free time and every time I go to the grocery store, I pick up chocolate. Tomorrow, getting back into a routine will help. And she also said something that I needed to hear to remind myself that I need to volunteer. Fergie said, "my grandmother, said to me 'when in doubt and you feel bad about yourself, go and give to others."

The important thing for me is small steps. This other article in O about rats and changes said this...

1) My point: Life has installed within you powerful "getting warmer, getting colder" signals... It isn't necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what fees better and what feels worse.
2) Trim tabs are tiny rudders attached to the back of larger rudders that steer huge ships. The big rudders would snap off if turned directly...just moving the little trim tab builds a low pressure that pulls the rudder around. Takes almost no effort at all...Every life is a series of trip tab decisions..If you make mistakes, no problem; you'll soon feel colder and correct your course. Making consistent trim tab choices toward happiness is what steers the might ship of life into exotic ports, safe havens

Any change I've tried to do in my life has been huge and major changes, and those have been unsuccessful. This is a biiiiiiiig deal for me. I am hoping that in time, this will evolve into a major change, but for now, a little bit everyday is good enough for me.

My takeaway: make little changes and eventually they'll lead to bigger changes.

And I need to meditate. I think I am just going to do it first thing in the morning. I've read somewhere that it is not good to do it as soon as you get up, but I think for me, at this point in my life, I have to. And I am going to drop it down to 5 mins. In a few weeks I might be able to do it for 10 mins, but for now, the habit of meditating is what I want to cultivate.

Small steps, consistency, and contingency plans are my centering points that I need to remember.

Money

And through all this, now that I am done my uni degree, it is time for me to be responsible about my money. I so desperately want to go to Europe this summer (I have 4 weeks off) but although I might be able to save the money, that means that I am making minimum payments on my $14,000 debt (excluding student loans) and I am moving to Vancouver with just damage deposit and 1st months rent. And that thought terrifies me and does not put me in a position of financial independence.

I am realizing it is more important to move to Vancouver in September with some cash in hand (at least 2 months rent) and enough money to cover my expenses for September. I want to spend my first month at my new job and in Vancouver knowing I have more than enough money to live. I am not sure if I'll get two paycheques in Sept or one or any and starting my life in Vancouver is extremely important. I do want to see my friends in Europe, but those funds are going to have to come to me another way than just working my job. I am not sure how yet, but I am hopefully that something will work out so I can have a cushion and travel.