Reprogramming

I think, looking back, I am going to owe Oprah my life. Or I should say my authentic self.

I have read self-help books, diet books, real age books, etc for years. I theoretically and mentally know the information, the her January issue plus her Best Life Week has allowed me to have several, silent "aha" moments.

In the past I've had huge, trumpet sounding aha moments, but those have rarely lead to life changing behaviours. I go full out and then fizzle out. But I think because I am having the smaller aha's and I am allowing myself to make gradual changes and taking things slowly, it feels better.

I was able to come face to face with not only my debt today, but the reason behind it: I am not enough on my own, that is why I need things to fill me up. This has been on the tip of my tongue for years, but now I finally said it. I actually calculated all my debt, credit card and student loans, and looked at it face to face. Without are pretext, or explanations, but just looked at it for what it was. I emailed my sister about it, and now I feel relieved to share it, to not let it shame me.

I can feel already a little bit more stillness inside of me. And I am being compassionate and allowing meditation into my life slowly. My goals is 3 mins. For some reason, 10 mins seemed insurmountable, but 3 mins is manageable. I still have to do my 3 mins today (and I will) but this feels like a small change that will evolve into a bigger one in months.

Patience, honesty, acceptance, and compassion are the skills I need to evolve beyond this.

It is interesting that businesses (and people) evolve, get innovative in a crisis situation. The rapid weight loss and spending over christmas finally created that crisis situation that forced me to look at the truth face to face. And for that I am grateful. And because of that, I can move on.

Thank you. Thank you all.