Background

I am doing this more as an online journal, sharing my experiences and my journey. If no one else reads it, c'est la vie.

So who am I???

I am a 24 year old uni student and it is the night before my last uni exam!!!! I have an open book 1.5 non-cumulative final in law tomorrow, and then my uni degree is done. I am so excited. But this semester was uncharacteristically chaotic.

But really background. In the fall of 2006, I started my Business degree and realized I was totally withdrawn, had little to no friends, dissatisfied with my body and realized my life needed a change.

So that is where Australia came into the picture. After going through an unsuccessful CA (Chartered Accountant) firm recruiting session (no interviews and no co-op job offers) a 12 month job opportunity in Australia came up and I knew this would give me the opportunity to change, or at least make some minor adjustments to my life.

I went, changed, and came back (more on Oz later). One of the things that came out of the trip is I realized how out of shape I was (I sports from grade 1-grade 10) and wanted to do something about it. So I lost about 20-30 lbs (I did not own a scale for during my first few months in Oz).

So I came home in April and was hoping to reach my goal weight by the end of the year. If I maintained a healthy weight loss, it was totally plausible.

Well, it is December and I am still around the same size and weight as when I came back.

As of last Wednesday (Wednesday is my weigh in day) I weighed 203lbs, and my waist/hips were 34.75/46.5. I was thinking about what went "wrong" the past 8 months, why am I still "overweight", "fat", not in bikini shape.

I am happy that my weight will be the same as or a little bit less than how I started out. It would have been better if I was substantially lighter, but since 2002, I have gained weight, so this is pretty awesome!!!

I do have two reasons why I stalled.

1) When I reached a size 14 and viewed myself as “curvy” and not as “fat” I felt I like I made it and started to feel more attractive. I felt this was good enough.
2) When I ran the 8km race in October (in 65 mins) I felt I'd regained my athleticness.

Yes I had a busy last two semesters, but it was not sooo busy that I did not loose ANY weight. I stopped striving for more, had a little bit of success and then sort of gave up or stopped caring.

But here are the things that I know now.

1) I rested on my laurels. I reached a goal and thought it was good enough.
2) I took for granted my new habits and new lifestyle changes.

Where to go from here.

“Perseverance is not a long race, but many short races one after another.” by Walter Elliot.

I need to make a healthy lifestyle a constant, everyday choice. Being a size 6 or weighing 145lbs is not the goal, and if I make that goal, once I reach it I know I’ll feel lost and the weight will come back up. Being healthy, confident, comfortable with who I am, those are my goals. Getting my body to a healthy size is just part of it. In order for this to stick, I need to further resolve my internal conflicts.

So this is the place where I am starting from. I made some progress over the 16 months, I had a few more realizations, and I know exactly were I want to be.

I was reading an article and the the author said the following about optimism.

“I prefer how the Chinese have defined optimism with two related but different words. The first word is more akin to the English definition; it's a naive hope for a better future regardless of the reality of the situation. The second word means looking at the reality of a situation as clearly as possible, and even if it is grim, and still be hopeful and open to possibilities.”

I am not sure how accurate this is, but I like the second definition: understanding the reality but being hopeful of the future.

I am not going to set goals on when I'll reach my goal weight, or get another boyfriend, or whatevs. What I will do is be grateful for where I am right now and always be hopefully for the future.

I am not a religious person, but I sure am I hopefully person. Have a good night everyone and thank you for reading.